My son’s best friend is in beauty school, and did my hair yesterday. First the bleach, then a trim, then lime crime “genie.” When I was 18, the beauty school was a movie theater, one I used to walk to. They played music from my teen years, like Spice Girls. It’s crazy to sit inContinue reading “Violet hair, reflecting on changes since 1999”
Tag Archives: bipolar
Understanding Crazy
When someone complained to me about the mystifying behavior of people she didn’t like, I would at first try to explain. Eventually, I realized she wasn’t complaining to understand. And I started saying, “You can’t understand crazy unless you are the same kind of crazy.” She didn’t think she needed her meds, and I trustedContinue reading “Understanding Crazy”
Dogs, meds, mental health, politics, goals, et merde
Our youngest is turning 8 on Thursday, and we’re taking him to Legoland to celebrate. This morning Lil Bit and I met the dogsitter and his dog, in preparation for staying the day with them. I learned that huskies and australian shepherds have special fur that is double insulated – meaning it keeps them coolContinue reading “Dogs, meds, mental health, politics, goals, et merde”
The main reason I stopped drinking at 27
My story has always been that I don’t like the taste, but now that I know I’m autistic, as well as, well…when I say a diagnosis, it is a symbol that triggers the opening of a mental room and the characters of me that live in those rooms. I have not been officially diagnosed withContinue reading “The main reason I stopped drinking at 27”
Control, relationships, and bipolar symptoms, oh my.
On November 28 I told a friend I was irrationally angry with a close friend, but my meds were working so I wasn’t ready to end the relationship, yet. So was that the paranoia building up in the manic/hypomanic episode? I recognized my anger was irrational, but I couldn’t dissolve it. Because I felt shutContinue reading “Control, relationships, and bipolar symptoms, oh my.”
I haven’t slept yet.
When I was 6, my sister was traumatized by a clown at the birthday party I shared with my one year old brother, just before we moved away from California to Little Rock, AR, where I remember having one friend I used to walk around the military housing with, in ’87. Then we moved notContinue reading “I haven’t slept yet.”
How I Let Go and Let God
My mother died when I was 12, and Dad dated a psychic after she died. That psychic foresaw me becoming a writer and a tarot reader. And my 13 year old brain accepted the program. My suffering meant something. I was going to help people tell their stories, and share mine so others wouldn’t feelContinue reading “How I Let Go and Let God”
Writing a poem to work out my feelings, but with the skills of a rusty MFA
I’m sorry I acted like my heart was broken open and I was bleeding out When you left and refused communication with me I died I broke again And I put myself back together by raging at you Taking you out of my heart so you couldn’t hurt it more But I kept the hurt,Continue reading “Writing a poem to work out my feelings, but with the skills of a rusty MFA”
I’m getting better at this whole identity crisis thing.
I was misdiagnosed at 19 with monopolar depression, usually called Major Depressive Disorder. I was tested so extensively at UCF’s psychology department in 2000, I thought I couldn’t possibly be autistic. My best friend, the one who’s knew me best after my mother died until I started questioning vaccine safety when I was pregnant, toldContinue reading “I’m getting better at this whole identity crisis thing.”
I wish I could have explained what I meant to my Dad before he passed.
2020 broke my brain enough even my PCP could see I was autistic and needed help. 2021 broke my heart. I had to face my internal biases, my fears, my shame, my behavior, and figure myself out so I could change. But I can’t change the way my brain developed. I also couldn’t tell thatContinue reading “I wish I could have explained what I meant to my Dad before he passed.”
Adventures of an Earthborn Alien 