Violet hair, reflecting on changes since 1999

My son’s best friend is in beauty school, and did my hair yesterday. First the bleach, then a trim, then lime crime “genie.”

When I was 18, the beauty school was a movie theater, one I used to walk to. They played music from my teen years, like Spice Girls. It’s crazy to sit in the remodeled theater lobby while the next generation paints bleach on my hair.

When I was 18, my cell phone had buttons, real buttons, and very small digital screens. The summers weren’t as hot – I was able to walk 3 miles in the heat to karate class and back all summer without heat stroke.

When I was 18, our class song was 1999, like our year. My favorite song was All Star, by Smashmouth, and my two favorites from the Mickey Mouse club were just starting their solo careers with Hit Me Baby One More Time and Genie in a Bottle (like my hair color! hee!)

Y2K was a thing my Dad was working overtime to prevent, not a nostalgia fad. Columbine happened, and it shocked the nation back then. I remember thinking the adults would take care of it. I certainly didn’t feel like an adult yet.

My favorite movie was The Mummy. Egyptology was my dream at that age. I started college that year, majoring in Anthropology.

Which brings me back to now. Twenty five years later, my life has been so different than anything I could have imagined back then. There are so many things I wish I could go back and tell myself. Well, I can in my imagination.

I would tell myself to call my grandparents every Sunday.

I would tell myself sex isn’t good without friendship and love, and foreplay is the best part.

I would tell myself to find a mother figure in real life that I could go to…from my mother’s generation. My best friend was too young for that role.

I would tell myself to work on my relationship with my siblings, and to believe Dad when he told me I was bipolar.

Gods, how could my life have been better if I’d had treatment for the bipolar before age 42!

At least my kids are mentally healthy. They are happy. They have a great relationship. They are playing Roblox right now.

My kids never knew a time without smart phones, ipads, youtube. They’ve grown up with virtual reality and worldbuilding games like Minecraft and Roblox. They have online only friends. I got my first computer when I was 10 (in 1991!) They have never known a time without computers.

They can’t play outside all day in summer like we had to. Not here in central Florida.

I don’t miss being 18. Not knowing I was adhd or autistic or bipolar made me hate myself for my symptoms. I was always fighting myself and beating myself up for every failure. I was not a very good friend to myself. And I really needed a parent I could talk to about important stuff.

I still do.